i'll start by saying that i'm in no way trying to complain about the way you guys interact with me or my artwork. the whole point of this blog post is to talk about the stigma of interacting and associating with weirdo artists.
this is a topic that has been on my mind a decent amount lately. all of you reading this probably know that i draw weird shit. i draw both kink and identity focused themes that i honestly haven't seen explored much by others. if you go look at some of the tags i use on places like furaffinity, you'll likely find just my art and like, a few others in bewteen. i like drawing weird shit. it's cathartic for me in a way few things in this world are. it allows me to explore ideas and themes that i can't explore in the real world. not even literally, necessarily, like: for a multitude of reasons i just can't get away with not speaking in the real world, so it brings me a lot of joy to make my sona permanently unable to speak and draw her like that. she doesn't have to worry about it, ever, she can live peacefully knowing that nobody's ever going to expect her to speak. and that in turn makes me happy.
unfortunately, drawing this kinda stuff comes at a cost that i don't really see brought up often. i'm not always drawing weird shit. sometimes i draw pretty scenes and landscapes, emotional artworks that i really want others to connect with. sometimes i make non-art related stuff that i'm really proud of and i want to share. but all this is tainted by the weird stuff i make.
those who want to follow me for my weird stuff won't mind me sharing pretty / artsy stuff sometimes, or other types of projects that i've been up to. but those who want to follow me for the non-weird stuff are very unlikely to want to stick around once they see the weird shit i make. i don't know if it's just in my head but a lot of the time when i interact with people from outside of my circles i just keep worrying that they'll see the weird stuff i draw and be disgusted by it. they won't say anything, but they'll quietly judge me and wish for me to leave them alone.
nobody's ever said anything negative to me about the weird stuff i draw. i've gotten nothing but praise from those who like it. but it's not what's said that bothers me, it's the silence. i'll often comment on art by artists i like, even when it's of themes i don't care for. i'll comment on how well executed something is, on how pretty it is, comment on the style or colors or ask what technique was used or whatever. it just seems like the nice thing to do, to support artists you like even when they're drawing stuff you're not that excited about. it's why it feels awful when i get significantly less interactions on my work when it's a theme i know isn't popular. like, i couldn't care less about the numbers, i'm not complaining about not getting enough, it's just the difference between the weirder stuff and my other work. it's knowing that people are avoiding it and i can't help but think it's because they don't want to be associated with it. they won't share it because they worry others would think that means they like it. they won't comment for the same reason, in fear someone would see them in the comments under that. they don't wanna be seen associated with this weird shit. i also this with me every time i reach out to someone i admire to comment on their work, every time i draw something for them. that feeling of knowing they'll appreciate it but they will not want to associate with me because of the weird shit i draw.
i want to start working on a long form comic project someday. this would be a story focused comic with very little (if any) kink / horny content. i really, really dislike separating my work based on how weird it is or whether it's sfw or nsfw. it just feels disingenuous, it feels like i'm hiding important parts of myself for the sake of pleasing others. but when i think about my comic project, i keep thinking about whether i want to separate it from my other work or keep it all together. on one hoof, i want to continue being fully myself, not hiding any parts of me for others' comfort or convenience, not sterilizing my work for the sake of reaching a wider audience. but on the other hoof, i feel like the overlap of critters who follow me for the weird shit and for the atmospheric / emotional shit is next to none - at least based on who comments on what. so i'd be killing my project's chance at success by keeping it mixed with my other stuff.
it's tiring, honestly. i worry so much about what others think of me. i don't wanna just be seen as "that weirdo". but i also don't wanna be seen as not weird. it feels like often times for people when there's any amount of weird it's all they see, an all or nothing type situation. i want to live in a world where i can draw myself as a weird mouthless chimera thing with 4 big useless hooves without losing the ability to be taken seriously, without that being all that people see.
in my circles it's not that big of an issue - after all, if you're here, if you follow me and you're reading this, you're likely not the judgmental type i'm talking about. but i don't want to just be stuck in my bubble. i want to be able to talk to people from outside it without worrying about what they'll think of me when they learn about the art i do and the themes that make me happy.
a friend summarized this whole thing pretty well: i draw weird stuff in addition to normal stuff, which makes me feel like normal artists might have trouble interfacing with it/me
this could all absolutely be in my head for all i know. it probably is for the most part, honestly. but it still felt like something worth talking about. who knows, maybe some of you will relate.
please leave a comment down below if any of this spoke to you! there's no need to register, you can just click the "sign in" button and type in your name, there's no need to actually log in to anything.
i've had a few critters reach out about how they like reading my blog posts and wish i wrote more of them, so i'll try! i have a few other topics in mind that i could talk about, and i'm sure i can think of more. till next time! pebble
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